Today is my second morning at home after pacemaker surgery and as I was beginning my morning practice of tarot and writing in my journal I noticed what I had written on Friday, August 7, the day before the heart issue manifested itself causing me to collapse and be hospitalized on 8/8, the day of the Lions Gate Portal.
August 7, 2020 (my journal writings)
“Good morning my Beloveds. Oh, how I love you. Lead me, Guide me, Show me the way to share myself with the world, to express my authentic self in the most loving way. Am I releasing soul patterns no longer needed? Freeing myself from old contracts and past lives? God, I hope this is so. I choose to release all vows and contracts I have ever made across all space, time and dimensions at every layer and level of my being especially those that keep me from expressing my authentic self, and those that have to do with vows of any kind that no longer serve my highest good, especially silence, chastity, and poverty. Thank you Beloveds All for your assistance.
I am sending forth a call to my soul family to attract them to me. I choose to communicate with my soul family in a more intimate way. I choose to channel guidance from the Upper World, from the Holy Ancient Ones who have lived before me. I choose to receive guidance and inspiration and support from myself and from other humans. Help me to be more relatable with people here on Earth, those souls who are my family, my soul family. Thank You.
Beloveds, I’m wondering if I really do want to live. Well, I Margie really wants to live but it feels like there is an aspect of me that wants to give up and just get out of this world. This aspect is tired of putting herself out into the world without getting much response. (Tears of Truth so I said) I choose to cut the cords of connection to this aspect of myself. I Margie want to play with LIFE, celebrate LIFE, Laugh, LIVE, and LOVE LIFE… and yet I keep ending up in this never-ending story that pulls me down. I choose to end the negative patterns. I choose to take the leap into daring rebirth. I need help to do that. Dear Analahoe, the SHE of ME (my Higher Self) help me please. What part of me longs to be witnessed? Beloved SHE of ME, cut the cord that connects my inner value, my inner worthiness with being paid for my services. All of my Soul Tribe I’m calling upon you to help me to leap free of this notion. It is not true. I do not believe it and yet there is a part of me that does.I am choosing right now to let this ancient story go to wherever it needs to go to to be healed. The true authentic value and worthiness of my Life on Earth has nothing to do with MONEY! My ability to take pleasure in life has nothing to do with money. All the negative thoughts arising within me right now (oh yes it does, can’t go, can’t do, etc) are all being wrapped up in the giant comforter of lightlove and lovelight now and continues until all are embraced and loved into daring rebirth.
The Beloveds All responded to me with go ahead and take the Leap. You have to leap first and we will catch you. To which I responded. OK. Beloveds All! I choose to leap into the unknown. I choose to let go of all that I think I know for sure. I know nothing for sure. I loosen my grip. I say to all that I am letting go of that which no longer serves me and I said, “God, Source of All That Is, if leaping is in my highest good, move my feet. I’m ready now without reservation. I leap into the unknown future. I let go of ‘trying’ to steer my future in a particular direction. I simply open my heart to receive whatever the Universe wants to give me. I surround myself with beauty and create beauty wherever I go in service to the highest good of all and the fulfillment of my divine destiny. The ever-unfolding rose of life is happening FOR me, not to me.”
August 8, 2020 Lions Gate Portal
This is not from my journal. This is the way in which I manifested the LEAP of Faith. On Saturday morning, I had coffee with my best friend, Cathy, in Eden Park as we’ve been doing since Covid. It was an especially beautiful morning. We laughed and chatted a couple hours away, thoroughly enjoying the moment. After meeting with Cathy I drove home, had some lunch, then drove to the Milford Bike Trail to meet my daughter Aly to take a walk together. We walked four miles chatting and enjoying every moment. As we were walking back to our cars, we kind of simultaneously said, “We have time, let’s stop in Little Miami Brewing Company” which was across the street from where our cars were parked. We were there enjoying mostly water and one margarita when I suddenly collapsed and slid to the floor from a high top table. I was out and when I opened my eyes again, there were a sea of unfamiliar faces above me. My first thought was, ‘Did I die?” Then I could see Aly’s face and I realized where I was and that something had happened to me. I had another episode in the restaurant, one in the ambulance, and one more in ER at Bethesda North Hospital. There was no pain involved with any of the episodes. Actually I was unaware they were happening. Others were aware. In the ER, the monitor recorded it. To make a long story short, the electrical wiring in my heart blew a fuse and my heart rate dropped too low to sustain life. I have no history of heart problems. I needed the support of a pacemaker.
I feel tremendous gratitude that I was with Aly, that we stopped for a drink, or I would have been either driving or home alone when the incident occurred. I feel as though I have been given a second chance at life and I want to give a big shout out to all the people who helped me at Little Miami Brewing Company, the EMT Paramedics, the staff at Bethesda North who took such wonderful care of me. Dr. Shah, my cardiologist surgeon, Dr. Reed who explained the game plan in detail and answered all of our questions clearly, Dr S whose last name I can’t say. His first name is Adarsh. (he said call me Darsh Vader) a critical care doctor at Bethesda North Hospital. A big thank you to all my nurses, Kasey, Jared, Lindsay, Maria, Kindalyn and others whose names I’m not remembering at this moment. To the lovely people who transported me to every test there is to take. Each of them sweet and caring. Thank you, thank you, thank you for being loving caretakers. I also appreciate that no one forced medications upon me that were not truly needed. Everyone was shocked that I’m 76 and take no regular, daily medications. However, I’m willing to take something that is necessary in the moment.
To tie this in with my journaling. During this ordeal, I had no memory of writing the words I wrote the day before this event took place. I didn’t think about the event taking place on 8/8, the Lions Gate Portal into heart-centered consciousness. I didn’t recognize that this even was my giant LEAP of faith that I have been choosing to take for months now. It’s was just that the divine had decided it would make a much greater impact on me if it happened during Lions Gate and during a time I was with Aly. I have no idea yet what this daring rebirth means for me. I only know that I have taken the LEAP! I know that I have let go of that which was dragging me down. I know my heart has the capability to live for many more years and I have the opportunity to live life as my authentic self and I have no idea what that means yet. I just know that I’ll find out.
The Divine Mother and her angels and sacred masters carried me just the way SHE promised SHE would. This time the angels and masters came in the form of patrons enjoying a drink at a bar on a beautiful Saturday afternoon, highly skilled medical professionals, and most importantly, my daughter Aly who calmly did all that was needed to carry me through and now my children, Melissa and Chris who are tending to me daily until I’m back on my feet. I am so blessed. I am so grateful.